Hank Hill in the Woods
by Boonaw
Summary: Strange kidnappings have been happening in Arlen Texas! Read and find out who is behind this mess!


**Hank Hill in the Woods**

 **Made by: Boonaw**

 **CHAPTER 1: Bwa Beginning**

It was a normal day for the Hill's, Bobby was in his room (doing nothing **;}** ) Peggy was rethinking her life, and Hank, Boomhauer, Dale, and Bill were out drinking their ice cold, refreshing, beers out by the fence, like usual.

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _So, you guys been hearing about the strange disappearing near the library?"_

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _Yeah dango I heard some dango people talking about it"_

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _Oooh it's gives me the chills! Hank what do you think about it?" Bill asked._

Hank just starred off, like a brain dead cancer patient. His eyes we filled with a void of nothingness, almost like he was remembering something.

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _Um… Hank?" Dale said unnervingly._

 ** _Hank_** _: "OH! Um… Yeah I know about it… I know…" Hank said with broken confidence._

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _You seem stressed by it, did something happen?" Bill asked._

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Um no… It's best we all go in now, with this kidnapper on the loose, ha.. ha…" Hank said nervously._

Hank's face was sweaty and red, like he knew something they didnt. Nobody questioned his state of being, and agreed to leave.

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _Hank's actin' pretty weird…"_

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _I wish we knew what was wrong with him." Bill said sadly._

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _Dango Hank is dango scared dango pussy."_

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _Guys.. I have a plan… We stalk him!" Dale said evilly!_

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _Now why would we do that?" Bill questioned_

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _To get to the bottom of this! Now go get your stealth clothes on."_

 **In the Hill's House**

Hank and Peggy were on the sofa, watching a propane commercial, Hank was starting to get aroused at the propane containers, Peggy knew this and decided to make her move. Peggy put her hand on Hank's mighty man thighs, and starting rubbing his thighs, Hank was happy about this.

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _I haven't been this hard since the first day I saw a propane container, bwaaa" Hank said confidently._

 ** _Peggy:_** _"_ _Oh Hank hopefully you still got some gas in you" she said as she winked at him._

They were about to kiss, but they heard Bobby coming into the living room.

 ** _Bobby:_** _"_ _MOM! DAD!" Bobby screamed!_

 ** _Peggy and Hank:_** _"_ _Heey Bobby!" the said nervously…_

 ** _Bobby:_** _"_ _Have you seen a brown small box, with an Amazon label on it!?" He said uneasily and frightened._

Peggy and Hank looked at each other nervously, they both knew what he was talking about, in the box was a flesh light. They were a little disappointed in Bobby but decided to lie to him.

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Um, no"_

 ** _Bobby:_** _"_ _Okay, well I'mma go to bed, goodnight…" Bobby said with anxiety._

Peggy and Hank then went back to what they were doing, but then the news came back on and the reporter started taking about the disappearances in the woods by the library. Hank lost his arousal and just starting having a PTSD flashback, Peggy was confused, and asked him what was wrong.

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _I guess I'm just sleepy…" Hank said as he stood up from the sofa. "Goodnight…" he said, as he walked to their room._

Hank lay in the bed tireless, but not moving at all, the PTSD was just too much for him. But Hank was mad too.

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Why me? Bwaaa" he said as he started to tear up._

Boomhauer, Dale, and Bill were outside of his house in all black, but Bill was naked, he just painted himself black. Dale had an audio booster up to the wall of Hank and Peggy's room to hear what was going on.

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _Hank is still crying, OVER"_

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _We're right next to each other, you don't have to say OVER… But we can get closer" he said seductively with a wink, that nobody saw._

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _dango pussy. He always dango cryin'." Boomhaur said with his beautiful monotone voice._

Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer were all, listening for 30 minutes before they heard something serious.

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _Shhh... I hear something!"_

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Peggy I'll be back, in the morning, I-I-"_

 ** _Peggy:_** _"_ _Love you?"_

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Yeah… Tell Bobby I said the same thing."_

 ** _Bobby:_** _"_ _IF FOUND IT!" Bobby screamed with joy._

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Never mind that. Bye Peggy, see you in the morning"_

Hank was about to leave but then Peggy asked…

 ** _Peggy:_** _"_ _But where are you going?"_

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Um work, gotta fuel up ha ha… *wink" He said with a fake smile_

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _Hank's going to work, we gotta follow him go get in the car mobile!"_

Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer headed towards Boombhauer's black painted car. Once they were in the car they waited for Hank to get his pussy ass in his Truck. Hank left his house and headed to his car, he looked around for any black people that might try to rob him. He got in and started driving, Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer followed him. Little did they know, they were heading towards the library.

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _We're on to you, you propane rapist!" Dale exclaimed._

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _Why are we at the dango library?" he questioned._

 ** _Bill:_** _"…_ _You don't think?"_

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _NO! Hank is not the kidnapper Bill!" Dale said angrily._

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _But he has been acting up today ever since we talked about the kidnapper…"_

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _Dango probably kidnap them, and dango cover them in propane, dango jerk off to it" Boomhauer suggested._

They all laughed at the joke, like a bunch of bronies.

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _We should have a team name!" Bill said with joy._

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _How about The Huntered!?" Dale said in a coolish, lame voice._

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _How aboooout, American Detectives!?"_

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _How about dango Pussy Stalkers?"_

They all agreed on Boomhauer's team name, then waited for Hank to step out of his vehicle. After 5 minutes Hank left his vehicle, and headed towards the woods. They all burst out of Boomhauer's car, and scream _"HAAAAANK"._ Hank turned around, shocked, and disgusted that Bill was fully naked.

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _BWAAAA, what are you doing here!?" he shouted._

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _No! What a YOU doing here PROPANE RAPIST" Dale yelled back._

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Propane rapist?" he said awestruck._

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _Dango Pussy Stalker dango to the rescue"_

Hank look at them, and sat down, he sighed, and told them the story of what happened to him in the woods.

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Bwaa… There in these woods lurks a demon of some sort… I was wondering in these woods one day when I was younger, 15 I think… It was dark, and I was just pissed off at my parents because they burnt my flesh light… I walked for god knows how long before I saw a tall, white, no faced thing staring and me! BWAAAA" Hank yelled!_

The PTSD was getting to him even more now.

 ** _Dale whispered into Bill's ear:_** _"_ _How can he tell it was staring at him if it had no face?"_

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Guuh… It-it was so scary I tried running away from it, but it was no use, it grabbed me with what felt like tentacles, and locked me in place… It…It had a propane container and.. and… OH GOD! It murdered the propane tank! It beat it until it busted its last nut… Propane was oozing everywhere! I saw a branch in the front of me, and hit its tentacles off of me, and ran like god…" Hank said in a depressing tone, while crying…_

Everyone was shocked, they didn't know what to say…

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _So you're dango here to dango kill him?" he asked._

Hank stopped crying, wiped the tears off his eyes, and pulled out a hand gun powered by stage 2 Propane.

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Yeah, I'mma kill that mother fucker! BWAAA" He yelled._

Bill put his hand on Hank's shoulder, and said with a straight face.

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _It's dangerous to go alone, we're cum- I meaning coming with you."_

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Alright, just follow me"_

They headed into the woods, like heroes, straight OP bosses.

 **CHAPTER 2: In the Woods**

Sometime had passed and it was starting to get colder, Bill was the coldest, obviously because he was naked, smooth and naked.

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _Mmmh Guys it's r-really cold… Maybe we should snuggle buggle mhmmm?" Bill said with a wink_

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _Shouldn't have come naked"_

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _Dango gay ass dango "_

Hank was still quiet, and quite sweaty and red, kind of like a wet tomato.

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _BWAAAA!" he screamed!_

Hank's PTSD was growing stronger! They all figured they should use Hank like a compass, The Compass of PTSD.

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _Where's your PTSD strongest, son?"_

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _I am not your damn son! We're going left my PTSD senses are strongest there, bwaaaa…"_

After a few minutes of going left the Pussy Squad heard a branch break, they all stopped!

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _D-diid you guys hear that?" Bill asked fearfully._

They all nodded their heads yes, but not too long after they heard another branch break, but it was uber close to them this time! They all got up and started to run away from it, they were getting into an opening in the woods, until Bill tripped on a rock, and landed face first into the mud, and dick head first into a rock.

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _AAAGH! MY DICK! MY DIIIIICK!~" Bill screamed!_

Everyone turned back in shock, but before they could take a step to help him, a pair of hentai tentacles came out from nowhere and gripped onto Bill's hairy ankles.

 ** _Hank and Dale:_** _"_ _BILL!" they yelled!_

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _H-heeeelp NOOO" Bill pleaded as he was being dragged off into the woods!_

A blood trail from Bill's broken penis was forming.

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _Follow that dango honkie" Boomhauer said!_

They followed Bill for as long as they could before he vanished into the darkness. Everyone was tired of running, panting, and feared what happened to Bill.

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _IT'S A TRAP! IT'S A TRAAAAP!" Dale screeched_

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _Dango calm down!" Boomhauer shouted in a monotone beautiful voice._

Hank pulled out his gun. Boomhauer and Dale got uneasy.

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Next time I see that bastard, I'm gonna kick his ass!" Hank stated._

They started to hear leafs and twigs cracking coming towards them.

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _BWAAA" he yelled "He's coming, get ready!"_

Dale picked up a rusty red axe he found on the ground, conveniently right next to him. Boomhauer, picked up a sharp stick. Out of nowhere a face arose from the darkness, a pale, white, honkie face, and then a tall body, that had a black suite on, it was no other, the one and only, Slendy man! Hank tried to shoot at Slendy but he dodged the bullet! And slapped Hank to the ground with its powerful hentai weapon!

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Bwaaahaaahaa!" He screeched in pain_

Slendy then headed towards Dale, but Dale wasn't about to be no little bitch! Dale swung his axe mightier than Thor could ever swing that gay hammer!

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _DIE BITCH!" he shouted!_

The axe impaled Slendy right in the side! The axe was now stuck in Slendy, but it didn't seem to hurt him.

 ** _Boomhauer and Dale:_** _"_ _Uh oh" they said uneasily._

Hank got back up, and did a trick shot that fired right into the back of Slendy's head! But, no blood came out, just a hole, and he was still standing!

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _Dango honkie, dango die pussy!"_

Boomhauer drove the stick through Slendy's "heart" straight through his body! And still nothing happened. He just stood there, motionless.

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _Maybe he's dead?" Dale questioned._

After Dale said that Slendy's tentacles started to move towards him!

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _Fuck this shit I'm out!" Dale yelled._

Boomhauer and Hank agreed, and they tried to get the fuck out of there, they made it back into the woods but, a little ways into the woods they cracking noises started, they turned their head around, and behind them was Slendy!

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _God damnit!" Hank said as he stoppeds. "I'mma kick your ass!" he stated!_

They all stop and watch Hank run at Slendy! Hank jumped up, did a 360 twist, and punched Slendy in the face, as he landed, Hank pulled out his handgun and shot a smiley face into Slendy's head. But like before nothing happened. Dale decided that if he was going to die, it minus well be now, and charged at Slendy. Slendy's tentacle arose and smacked Dale harder than my dick! Followed by a large whipping sound, Dale was unconscious, with a giant red tentacle mark on the side of his face. Slendy was about to do the same to Hank, but Boomhauer out of nowhere, jumped out of a tree and with a stick pointier than Phineas flynn's nose, burst through Slendy's lower body. This had no effect on Slendy. Slendy turned around and bitch smacked Boomhauer into a tree. Slendy, then but his full attention on Hank, Slendy wrapped Hank in his tentacles and locked him in place.

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _BWAA let me out so I can kick your ass!" Hank said in a fit of anger._

But no, Slendy had a better idea. Slendy pulled out a propane tank from his asshole, and sat it on the ground.

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _No-you-you wouldn't!?" Hank said shocked!_

Slendy then pulled the axe out from his side. And violently bludgeoned the propane tank with it!

 **Hank:** "NO YOU MONSTER! YOU HEARTLESS! BASTARD!" Hank raged!

Hank started to have a mini seizure, Hanks hair started to rise, and start to glow gold, but then a voice from nowhere said…

 ** _"_** ** _You mess with him you mess with meeee" the mysterious voice shouted._**

Hank and Slendy looked into the direction where the voice was coming from.

 ** _"_** ** _D U D! DEEEEEAAAAD!" the voice shouted!_**

And then from the darkness Coffee from Repo came out and shouted…

 ** _Coffee:_** _"_ _DEEEEEEAAAAD!"_

Slendy released Hank and quickly got in a fighting position.

 ** _Coffee:_** _"_ _YOUR BALLS ARE MINE, YOU BROKE ASS MOTHEFUCKAA" Coffee yelled! "NOW GO HANK! GOOO!" he exclaimed!_

Hank ran over to Boomhauer and woke him up. Then they went over and picked up Dale and ran for it, Slendy and Coffee were duking it out, and Coffee kept yelling _"DEEEAAAD!"._ They were near the exit but then something happened! Someone stepped from behind the tree and said…

 ** _Scarce:_** _"_ _Hey what's up guys, Scarce here"_

This scared Hank and Boomhauer!

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _BWAAA" he yelled!_

Hank pulled out his gun and shot Scarce right in the heart. Scarce fell to the ground, d u d dead.

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _No dango double uploads here"_

Boomhauer went for his car and Hank went for his Truck, Boomhauer put Dale in the back. Out of nowhere Bill ran out of the woods yelling!

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _Wait for meee!"_

Bill was all bloody and beaten up and little, he hoped in Hank's truck, since it was the closest. They started to pull out *wink **.** Then from the woods, they saw a beaten up Slendy, His tentacles were trying to reach their vehicles, but then Coffee put him in a chock hold and dragged him back in the woods.

 ** _Coffee:_** _"_ _You are going nowhere you broke ass mothefuckaa!" Coffee exclaimed!_

Hank and Boomhauer hit the gas and got out of there! Hank looked over at Bill.

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _B-Bill we thought you were dead!" he said in a shaky voice._

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _Me too! But this black guy came around and then he just left me…" Bill explained._

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Glad you're okay!" Hank said with joy._

 **Outside of Hank's House**

When they got there, they all parked outside. Dale finally woke up, they all got out sat by the fence, and talked about what had just happened. They all agreed to never speak of this again, and went home, except for Bill, he went to the hospital to get his fix penis fixed. After the mess that happened the strange disappearances just stopped. Arlen Texas was back to how it normally was. In the morning they were all by the fence drinking beer.

 ** _Boomhauer:_** _"_ _Yup"_

 ** _Hank:_** _"_ _Yeeep"_

 ** _Dale:_** _"_ _Yup"_

 ** _Bill:_** _"_ _Yep"_

 **The End**

 **Hope you liked the Story**


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